Pissed Off and Nervous

today i have and interview at Gottschalks, i hope i get the job. my family supports me and im happy for them. since the one who claims to love me so much can even write 3 little words " I Love You" i write and i text him all the time, no response, nothing, how can he love me, how? there is no way he loves me, he couldn't love me. Not like this. He doesn't even try. at least i try. he knows why my mom doesn't want him calling her house, but he refuses to believe that he has done anything wrong. And now all the problems we have i gotta fix em on my own, i sit there and apologize over and over and over again for being the way i am, i wasn't always this way. He made me a miserable person, i was happy when i met him, i was on top of the world, now im the one who" ain't bout shit" And its up to me to pick the pieces of my life up. i helped him do right, and this is the fucken thanks i get. I HATE THIS SHIT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT!!!! I have never felt so confused about anything in my life. This relationship is driving me crazy and getting me no where. o yea i forgot to mention I got back with him, but for what i don't talk to him like we used to. he hardly ever calls me. but i guess i asked for that when i said yes hunh? I practically lied down on the floor to be walked on. i feel the only reason why he got back with me is so he won't see me with someone else. So that i can't mess with anyone else out of loyalty to a reltionship that is wiltering. So he can just have me sittin here wondering whats hes doin all hours of the day and him not givin a fuck. THATS NOT FAIR!!!!! i dont wanna hurt and thats all i feel, i sacraficed soooooo much willingly to be with him, but he feels he has to give up nothing. NOTHING AT ALL!!! Ive never met anyone in my life who could be so selfish and not even see it. How can u put ur friends before someonre you claim to luv soooooo much. U DON'T DO THAT!!! we have been together for a year its about time i moved up. DOES HE THINK HIS HOMEBOYS WOULD PUT HIM BEFORE THEIR GIRLS? OR THEIR WIVES? IF THEY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR THAT LONG AND CLAIM TO BE AS DEEP IN LOVE AS HE CLAIMS TO BE? HELL NAW!!!!!!!!! I wish he could see that, "they been my friends for years..." And youve been fuckin me for a year. I was the one who washed you when you couldn't wash yourself, i cooked for u, i did your luandry, i held you while you were sick, i scratched your back when it itched. WHERE WERE YOUR FRIENDS THEN, NIGGA????? OR DOES ALL THAT SHIT I DID NOT COUNT BECAUSE "U DIDN'T ASK ME TOO"? I cant believe the shit that comes outta his mouth sometimes but then im getting mad for no reason. I get treated like dirt and its OK. But when i complain or make a face IM THE BITCH!!! IM THE ONE WHO IS ALWAYS TRIPPIN!!!! YOUR THE ONE THATS NEVER DOIN ME RIGHT!!! You hurt me all the time and you don't care. You apologize just to get me to believe it and then your back doin the same shit you did yesterday. IM NOT UR FUCKIN DOOR MAT, AND MAYBE YOU'LL REALIZE THAT WHEN IM NOT THERE ANYMORE. YOUR PUSHIN ME AWAY AND ONE DAY IMMA GET TIRED, REAL TIRED. AND MY OPEN ARMS ARE GONNA CLOSE. AND THEN YOU WILL REALIZE WHAT A GOOD GIRL YOU HAD WHEN I END UP BEING A GOOD GIRL FOR SOMEONE ELSE. HE IS NEVER GONNA FIND A GIRL WHO LOVES AND CARES FOR HIM AS MUCH AS I DO. HE IS NEVER GONNA FIND A GIRL WHO PUTS UP AND TOOK AS MUCH SHIT AS I DID. HE SHOULD TRY TO HOLD ON TO ME WHILE I STILL LOVE HIM. BECAUSE WHEN THE DAY COMES THAT I DON'T LOVE HIM ANYMORE .........ITS OVER!!!!!!!!